My Bottom's Gone Missing



My bottom’s gone missing.

It left in the night.

I woke up in bed

with a terrible fright.


I reached down to greet it

and wish it good day,

but found that my bottom

had wandered astray.


I called for my dad

and I called for my mum –

“my bottom's gone missing!

My beautiful bum!”


They fetched me some cocoa

and, pouring a cup,

explained that bums vanish

when children grow up.


They said that it's normal. 

There’s no need to fear.

It’s only young kiddies

who cherish their rear.


I told them my bottom

and I were in love.

My gorgeous, sweet bottom!

My darling! My dove!


They said to me firmly,

“stop being a fool.

It’s only a bottom.

Get ready for school.”


I got myself dressed

with a tear in my eye.

I stepped out the door

and I started to cry.


I held up my pants

as I trudged down the street,

then tripped as my trousers

slid down to my feet.


The clouds gathered in

as I sunk to my knees.

Oh wonderful bottom!

Come back to me please!

(published in I Don't Like Poetry)



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