My Bottom's Gone Missing
My bottom’s gone missing.
It left in the night.
I woke up in bed
with a terrible fright.
I reached down to greet it
and wish it good day,
but found that my bottom
had wandered astray.
I called for my dad
and I called for my mum –
“my bottom's gone missing!
My beautiful bum!”
They fetched me some cocoa
and, pouring a cup,
explained that bums vanish
when children grow up.
They said that it's normal.
There’s no need to fear.
It’s only young kiddies
who cherish their rear.
I told them my bottom
and I were in love.
My gorgeous, sweet bottom!
My darling! My dove!
They said to me firmly,
“stop being a fool.
It’s only a bottom.
Get ready for school.”
I got myself dressed
with a tear in my eye.
I stepped out the door
and I started to cry.
I held up my pants
as I trudged down the street,
then tripped as my trousers
slid down to my feet.
The clouds gathered in
as I sunk to my knees.
Oh wonderful bottom!
Come back to me please!
(published in I Don't Like Poetry)